Eyes wide open.
Surprisingly spot-on.
Drugs
According to a very reliable source, a drug is any chemical substance which changes the normal function of the human body. While drugs are used by nearly everyone and being high is a hoot and a holler, the discussion of drugs is the source of much drama on the Interbutts.
The drama generally starts with drug users who post while high, and whine endlessly about the legalization and decriminalization of their drug of choice. Their reasons range from the general harmlessness of being stoned to their beliefs that tripping balls provides legitimate cognitive benefits, as opposed to simply being fun. These morons generally piss off the rest of the druggie community (the ones with functional nervous systems, at least) by making them all look like ignorant burn-outs.
On the opposite end of the spectrum are those who hate drugs; these types claim to not see the point of taking a drug, regardless of it being harmful or not and regardless of the fact they they most likely chain-smoke and are alcoholic, coffee addicts, who chronically masturbate to their child porn. Despite the glaring hypocrisy, these upstanding citizens are too burnt out from their mentally onerous worship of social fascism to even acknowledge their own cognitive dissonance. Dr. Park N. Stones has studied this phenomenon and claims that these people are either lamers, larpers, underage B&s, trolls, fundies, straight edgers, or people that took Reefer Madness way too seriously. Particularly in the United States the Christians fear that if people, especially children, started to do drugs then they would turn away from religion and there simply would not be enough adolescent semen for their Evangelical overlords to guzzle. Furthermore, the subset of these geniuses that are not trolling are the same people responsible for the war on drugs as well as the genocide in Darfur.
A special mention should be given to sXer’s, who tend to view themselves as analogues of John Wayne and therefore TOO independent and self-sustaining to ever rely on chemicals, you weakling. A MAN IS NOT AN ISLAND. Channeling the snide countenance of Vegeta and acting like they have reached the height of Darwinian perfection, they walk stolidly into their giant parties of disaffected whiny youth DRUG-FREE. To these folks, drugs are an anathema. On the other hand, insidious bitching about a harmless toker or wishing genuine violence on a contrived archenemy alliance of potsmokers/rapists/atheists is considered a healthy social activity.
(Source: encyclopediadramatica.se)
White Ace Cider … better value than the Queen
The price of the Queen has risen by 4 pence in the last year to a shameful 66p per person, that’s 40 million quid a year to fund the lifestyle of one of the world’s richest women. Palace lackies claim that this due to Prine Andrew jetting around the world, presumably to get away from the old trout.
We reckon the true cost is much more. All those blokes in daft uniforms hanging around Westminster whose elite military training seems to have gone towards teaching them to stand very still and not smile when surrounded by hordes of gawking tourists. Then there’s the shameful cost of flying half the RAF over London just because it’s her fucking birthday (and she has two, who the fuck has two birthdays) and the waste of valuable ink printing her face on the cover of every fucking postage stamp.
We don’t want to look at a picture of a miserable old cow every time we post a letter or go to the cashpoint. Currency could show real British heros like Wat Tyler, Stanley Matthews and … er .. that bloke off the Halifax advert. And as for her fucking kids, what a shower of over-priviliged chinless arseholes who are not fit to run a kebab shop let alone pretend to run a long gone empire.
Diana wasn’t murdered by the state, she faked her suicide to get away from the fucking kids. The French had the right idea over 200 years ago but it seems we still haven’t caught onto the fact that we’re paying for a bunch of over-privileged wankers who are good for nothing more than shovelling caviar down their parasitic throats.
As for those who claim they make us a fortune in tourism, well we say this:
The public execution of the Royal Family would be the most watched piece of TV ever and the DVD sales would keep the price of maintaining Buck House as a public park and hostel for London’s homeless for donkey’s years.
Meanwhile the QE2 should be used to send the rest of the aristocracy into the middle of the Atlantic, where the Royal Jet would fly headlong into the hull piloted by a drugged (no change there) Boris Johnson.
The Crown jewels could then be melted down to create a giant gold guillotine which could stand on the fourth plinth in Trafalgar Square as a reminder of the costliest farce in British history.
And after that onto that other shameful scourge on the British working class, the Palace of Westminster.
And when we’ve finished with that lot we can all go down the pub and raise a glass to a brave new dawn in British society.
At least until the Americans invade.
(Stolen from the lovely Johnny Void).
"Fuck"
— You.
